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The Contemplative’s Guide to Nervous System Care
with Kelly Deutsch
Are you easily moved? Do you feel others’ feelings, and have a hard time separating them from your own? Do you get overwhelmed by crowds or noise or commotion? You may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), a trait possessed by 20% of the population--and I’d wager 50% of contemplatives.
Thomas Merton once remarked that his fellow monks at Gethsemane weren’t contemplatives: they were just introverts. I’d say the term he was looking for was HSP. We crave silence, solitude, simplicity--and are also drawn into the depths of spirituality. What does it mean to have bodies with this trait? Listen in to learn what this trait is, the biology behind it, the impact it has, as well as some practical strategies to help reset your nervous system so you can find what your body spirit needs to be fully alive.
If you’re hungry to journey with kindred spirits, check out www.spiritualoffroading.com.
Tags :
Self-care
Nervous system
Mindfulness
Stress management
Body signals
Highly sensitive person (HSP)
Autonomic nervous system
Grounding techniques
Mental well-being
Boundaries
Rest and digest
Presence
Mind-body connection
Nature's impact on health
Imperfection and humility
Websites and Books
00;00;25;17 - 00;00;54;10Kelly Deutsch
Welcome to Spiritual Wanderlust, where we explore our interior life in search of the sacred. Many of us will travel the whole world to find ourselves, but here will follow those longings within to our spiritual and emotional landscapes. In each episode, we'll talk with inspiring guests contemplative teachers, embodiment experts, neuropsychologists and mystics with a blend of ancient wisdom and modern science, along with a healthy dash of mischief.
00;00;54;24 - 00;01;48;03
Kelly Deutsch
Well, deep dove into divine intimacy and what it means to behold. I'm your host, Kelly Deutsch, Hi, everyone. Kelly Deutsch here. This is my trusty sidekick, Novak, behind me. Today, I want to share with you some really exciting research that has changed my life. It has to do with the nervous system of people who are highly empathic and intuitive, you know, deep feelers like me and maybe like you or someone that you love, because it turns out that one in five people are built this way with a highly sensitive, nervous system, which results in some really huge differences in the way that we see the world, how we love people, how we handle stress, and even
00;01;48;03 - 00;02;09;27
Kelly Deutsch
how we practice our spirituality. And for those of you who are empaths or highly sensitive people, I want to share what's happening in your brain when you get a gut feeling or how to use neuroscience to explain to other people why alone time is such a strong biological need for you. It even helps explain why so many contemplatives crave silence.
00;02;10;13 - 00;02;36;10
Kelly Deutsch
And the video that follows is taken from the Spiritual Off Roading Program, which is a four month journey for seekers and mystic misfits. It offers courses in vulnerability, embodiment, divine intimacy and all sorts of juicy topics, all with a TIGHT-KNIT cohort of kindred spirits that you get to form relationships with. And many off roaders named this video as the most powerful part of the entire program.
00;02;36;17 - 00;03;01;05
Kelly Deutsch
So I'm really excited to share it with you. If you're interested in exploring this and other landscapes of your interior life, check out W WW Dot Spiritual Off Roading dot com registrations open if you'd like to join us. For anyone who's wandered through the spiritual wilderness full of wanderlust and longing for community for depth. You're going to love this.
00;03;02;06 - 00;03;31;27
Kelly Deutsch
Enjoy the video on neuroscience of the highly sensitive person Are you someone who's easily moved? If you cry easily at movies or find yourself moved to tears by a beautiful song? Or do you feel other people's feelings really deeply? Maybe have a hard time separating yourself from what they're feeling what's yours and what's theirs? Are you sometimes overwhelmed by crowds?
00;03;32;14 - 00;04;04;29
Kelly Deutsch
Lots of noise, lots of commotion, clutter, Do you have a rich interior life If so, there's a pretty good chance that you have a trait that 20% of humans have of high sensitivity. Now, this is a trait that is shared by one in five humans and is different than just being a sensitive or introverted person. But it has to do with how our nervous systems are built.
00;04;06;13 - 00;04;20;07
Kelly Deutsch
This makes sense evolutionarily why we would have one in five of us this way, and they've found a genetic basis for this throughout time.
00;04;22;16 - 00;04;54;11
Kelly Deutsch
It's made sense for human civilization to have a kingly or warrior class and a priestly or advisor class. The Kings and the Warriors are always the ones who are out pushing the boundaries of what's of what we know, whether out they're out exploring and often adventures or fighting battles or ruling the kingdom that was their realm, whereas they always had some priestly advisory class that shared with them.
00;04;54;18 - 00;05;29;04
Kelly Deutsch
Like There might be a deeper wisdom here we might want to pay attention to or don't forget about the poor and the weak Maybe we should stop and think through this before we just go out on all these grand adventures. So it would make sense that there are about 20% of the human population who have this trait that causes us to reflect a little more deeply to be a little more sensitive and have these nervous systems that are more deeply attuned to what's coming in through all of our senses.
00;05;30;05 - 00;05;57;28
Kelly Deutsch
The interesting thing is it's not only something, a trait found among humans, it's also something found among over 100 animal species that they've studied. So this is really fascinating to me. And the reason why I bring this up is because I find the proportion of people who have this trait in the contemplative and the mystical in the spiritual realm to be much higher.
00;05;58;17 - 00;06;27;23
Kelly Deutsch
I if I had to guess, I would say the number is closer to one in two people. I've had so many people bring it up in spiritual direction, whether it's, you know, trying to find just space like I hunger for space. I need space in my house. I need space at work. I need space in my mind, in my thoughts or those of you who have difficulty settling in to a contemplative sit because you've got so much buzzing in your head.
00;06;27;23 - 00;06;58;07
Kelly Deutsch
There's so much energy and things that you absorb from the outside. This makes it really difficult to find a contemplative practice that works for you when your nervous system, your body and what you've been given is different than the average person than 80% of the population So I wanted to spend a little bit of time today sharing with you what this trait of high sensitivity is, how it shows up, as well as how to live with it.
00;06;58;08 - 00;07;20;16
Kelly Deutsch
What are some strategies if you have a more finely tuned nervous system? What does that going to mean for you in your self-care and in your spiritual practice? And in your day to day life? So first, let's talk a little bit about what this is, this trait of high sensitivity. If you're a highly sensitive person, that means you process stimulus more deeply.
00;07;21;19 - 00;07;48;08
Kelly Deutsch
So each of us have an optimal stim point, you know, place where we feel at our best, we feel comfortable, at ease, alert, alive, you know, like when we're in flow, that's an optimal standpoint. So if we have too much stimulus and too much interior and psychological arousal or biophysical arousal, that's going to mean that we're just overwhelmed, distressed.
00;07;48;08 - 00;08;18;14
Kelly Deutsch
We might be clumsy, disorganized, out of control. You know, we just have this feeling of like too much or just need to calm myself down. I might need to hibernate for a little while ago, recharge in nature, get something to just soothe myself. On the other hand, if we don't have enough stimulus, we get bored and antsy and, you know, might want to drink a cup of coffee or turn on the radio or call a friend or change up something I might want to travel.
00;08;19;14 - 00;08;45;08
Kelly Deutsch
And you can be both a highly sensitive person. And you can also be someone who has a higher standpoint. We could talk more about that later, but that just means you have to know your range of optimal stimulus. Some people just have a very low threshold for what they can handle, because what we do is we take in so much information about the stimulus present.
00;08;45;17 - 00;09;08;14
Kelly Deutsch
We can be in the same situation as your spouse, your best friend, coworkers, and it can totally wear you out. And for them, maybe it's enlivening and they find it really enjoyable. So going to a busy, loud restaurant with lots of people and noise and music for some might be perfectly enjoyable and for others is really going to drain you.
00;09;10;05 - 00;09;30;17
Kelly Deutsch
So the reason that happens is because we all have that max point that we hit where we start to shut down because there's just too much stimulus coming in, and that's called trans marginal inhibition. So we just got too much going on and our whole body is like, Whoa, red alert, I've hit my max. I am overwhelmed right now.
00;09;32;28 - 00;10;00;18
Kelly Deutsch
And the stimulus, interestingly enough, can come from the inside or from the outside. You know, the outside. It's easy enough to think of things that come through our senses. You know, maybe there's a lot of commotion and loud noises going on. Bright lights, the wind is whipping through babies or crying. This place that I live in, Portland, there are some days where I've had a lawn mower, leaf blower, chainsaw truck backing up and crows squawking all at the same time.
00;10;00;18 - 00;10;28;02
Kelly Deutsch
And I thought I was going to come unglued. It was just so much commotion all at once. Those sensations and that stimulus can also come from the inside, whether it's your feeling hungry or your own emotions, you know, are getting you really worked up in very stimulating or arousing to your system. Sometimes the sound of your own voice, if I'm maxed out, overwhelmed, had too much stimulus for the day.
00;10;28;17 - 00;10;46;04
Kelly Deutsch
Not only can I not spend that time speaking or listening to others, but it's hard for me to speak as well. I'm just like, okay, sometimes if I lower my voice and my pace I can. But sometimes I'm like, I just I got to go tap out. Like, I got to go hibernate for a while.
00;10;49;03 - 00;11;15;24
Kelly Deutsch
The other thing that stimulates us internally or our worries or thoughts, our plans, all those things going through our heads and each of these points of stimulus, whether they come from the inside or from the outside, vary with intensity, complexity, duration, the novelty You know, so if there is a fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night, you know, maybe it just misfires or something.
00;11;16;12 - 00;11;40;28
Kelly Deutsch
Your I mean, for anyone that's going to be very startling. But for each species, the acronym for highly sensitive person for an HSP, we have a lot harder time coming back down to a level point, you know, where our nervous system is like, okay, I'm safe again. I'm this is okay. That was startling, you know, in insane for some of these other things.
00;11;40;28 - 00;12;05;14
Kelly Deutsch
If there's something that's really intense you might find that people who are really intense talkers, maybe you find them engaging sometimes. In other times you find them very exhausting. Or if there's a lot of complex stimulus coming in, you know, there's the TV playing and somebody is talking and there's other people talking over there and you're having a really hard time focusing just because there's so much happening all at the same time.
00;12;07;19 - 00;12;32;05
Kelly Deutsch
For the duration of things. You know, maybe it's just something low grade and you're not entirely sure why you're feeling so worn out, but it could just be all the sights and colors coming in all at the same time. Or the wind has been howling all day, or your house is just full of clutter and you're just feeling overwhelmed by by all of that So all of those things can easily drain us.
00;12;32;05 - 00;12;57;26
Kelly Deutsch
And the results of all of this, of having a more finely tuned nervous system that takes all this and so much more deeply. And we notice all the subtleties of things that 80% of the population probably doesn't notice So the results of all of this is that we tend to wear out faster because we are taking in so much more and processing that stimuli so much more finely.
00;12;57;26 - 00;13;31;24
Kelly Deutsch
You know, we go through with a fine tooth comb, whereas most people are just taking stimulus in a very different way. We notice all the subtleties and because of that, also have a much more intense emotional experience. We feel both the positive and the negative, much more acutely. So I might have a much more intense sense of joy or of pride or of grief or desire you know, I think that's something that all of us here feel, is that we have such a huge hunger.
00;13;31;29 - 00;14;06;13
Kelly Deutsch
And it feels like sometimes my desire is wide enough that it might swallow the whole universe. You know, it just feel like the divine continues to stretch that capacity in that longing within me. It feels huge you know? So it's something that, you know, maybe you're the kind of person who watching your grandchild or your child, your heart swells with so much pride that you think it's going to burst or you lose a parent or a best friend, and you think that grief is just going to crack.
00;14;06;13 - 00;14;41;21
Kelly Deutsch
You open and leave you in pieces forever is what it feels like. Or on the other end, sometimes your sensory experiences can be so much more, well, intense, not necessarily in the bad kind, you know, where you're constantly overwhelmed by things, but also in the positive sense, like I swear, the blue of the sky is enough to just break my heart open or eating Indian curry like good curry.
00;14;42;00 - 00;15;03;23
Kelly Deutsch
I have had experiences where curry has literally brought me to tears, and I swear I'm about to enter into some sort of ecstatic experience and I'm only exaggerating maybe a little bit. Like, it just it's so wonderful that I feel like my nerve endings are just going to explode or something like and I'm sure some of you had that experience as well.
00;15;04;00 - 00;15;47;07
Kelly Deutsch
You know, where something is so wonderful when you allow yourself to just surrender to the experience that it's beyond words these intense feelings can motivate us like nothing else can because we can basically empathize in advance with what's going to happen for another person, you know? So if we are really excited to have a reunion with some family members we haven't seen for a long time, you know, maybe there was a strange moment, maybe it was COVID and you just won't be able to visit each other.
00;15;47;16 - 00;16;20;20
Kelly Deutsch
And the anticipation, like you just feel it so intensely that it, like, motivates you to do everything you need to do in order to make that happen. Or if you know that there's going to be something really difficult or painful happen it also motivates you to avoid all of that because you can sense either for yourself or for another person how intense that would feel So we tend to be pretty empathic people, and we also tend to be very conscientious.
00;16;21;18 - 00;16;49;07
Kelly Deutsch
Sometimes it's a perfectionistic streak because we're sensitive to other people's emotions and also therefore their disappointment. And so we tend to want to please other people or be a rule follower. And even if sometimes we shift what those rules are, we still want to do what we do super well, which is not necessarily a bad thing, just something to be attentive to because we like our report cards.
00;16;49;07 - 00;17;19;05
Kelly Deutsch
You know, everything has to have a measuring stick, like, Oh, where am I at here? Because that makes us feel good about ourselves. And again, that really positive emotion of feeling like I'm doing the right thing is much more intense for us. And so that's even higher motivator for us than, you know, 80% of the population. So, for example, for myself growing up, I, I was very intelligent and I was the top of my class and I didn't want that though to be something that I lorded over people.
00;17;19;15 - 00;17;37;20
Kelly Deutsch
I didn't want that to be something that I became so perfectionistic about that it ruled my life. So when I got to college, I remember I decided to just let go, got the best that I could. And so when I got a test back in college, everybody around me is like, oh, would you get oh, you got a B-plus or you got a C?
00;17;37;20 - 00;17;52;22
Kelly Deutsch
I got and they are cool, you know, and everybody's comparing grades and things. I would take my test, and without looking at it, I would stick it in my great in my bag. Like, I wouldn't even look at it. So, like, you know, I don't care. I don't really want to play this game of comparing because I don't think it has a whole lot of points.
00;17;53;28 - 00;18;34;16
Kelly Deutsch
But the funny thing about that is, is that that same desire to achieve and for perfection kind of leaked out another area. So even though it wasn't present in my academics, anymore, I was like, But gosh dang it, I'm going to be the best loving person you have ever met. And so in ministry and all these different things, I, I really made an effort not only in my prayer life and spiritual life, but also in, you know, just being really good at listening to people and being present to people and remembering people's names and get involved in homeless ministry and campus ministries and all sorts of different things because goodness gracious, I was going to be
00;18;34;16 - 00;18;49;15
Kelly Deutsch
amazing at that, you know, and, and that could be something that we do in our spiritual lives as well. Maybe it's I thought I was going to be a really good Christian by doing all the right things and going to Bible studies and believing the right things.
00;18;51;20 - 00;19;12;09
Kelly Deutsch
But maybe now we really want to be a really awesome, contemplative, you know, like it just pops up. And again, it's not like that's all bad, but sometimes we have to hold those things very lightly and recognize that the call is not to perfection, but to wholeness. And the way that we get there is by being perfectly imperfect.
00;19;13;29 - 00;19;16;27
Kelly Deutsch
We fall on our butts all the way up the mountain.
00;19;20;20 - 00;19;52;27
Kelly Deutsch
Besides being conscientious, we also tend to be very highly intuitive as highly sensitive persons and part of the reason for this they've seen in this piece and highly sensitive persons that we have greater activity in our insula, in our brain. And the insula is a part of your brain that integrates your interior world and the exterior world, you know, moment to moment to your emotions, your bodily posture or just situations that are happening and it's been called the seat of consciousness before, which is interesting.
00;19;52;27 - 00;20;13;02
Kelly Deutsch
What do you think about that? That we have a lot more happening in the seat of consciousness so there's a lot more there's this is a place where those connections happen. And so that makes us empathic. It makes us recognize when something is off and we get those kind of gut feelings or intuitions or whatever you want to call them.
00;20;13;02 - 00;20;34;23
Kelly Deutsch
That's like, Nah, I got a hunch about this, you know, whether it's like, I'm going to get that promotion or, you know, I think Sally is going to start drinking again. Like, I just don't have a good feeling about this or you're in a meeting and somebody kind of talks their head one way or their eyebrow moves or their shoulder kind of slightly makes an adjustment.
00;20;35;08 - 00;21;11;00
Kelly Deutsch
And maybe you're not even aware of what the movement or the stimulus was, but you just have these hunches, these senses of things, and that's because of millions, probably trillions of data points that you've absorbed subconsciously or semi consciously, just being the sponge that you are, you know, in your nervous system, taking in. So much. And that's why it's so important to trust your intuition, that bodily sense that you have those hunches because they are based on millions upon millions of data points that your system has taken in over many years.
00;21;11;23 - 00;21;44;21
Kelly Deutsch
So trust that the fact that we process this way means that we can move either quickly or slowly, depending on the situation, especially if we're taking in new information. Sometimes it seems like we're moving much more slowly, especially to outside people. I've often said that I have a quick head and slow heart, you know, if it's if I'm trying to sense what's going on with me interior early or kind of sense in a heart space, what's going on in the situation?
00;21;45;08 - 00;22;09;08
Kelly Deutsch
I'm taking things in very deeply. And so that often takes me a while to just sit with that or, you know, if I'm in a situation where I don't know, someone's giving me an opportunity, like when I was in a corporate job and, you know, they offered me the opportunity to be trained as a coach, but I'd have to sign on to be employed by them for a certain number of years.
00;22;09;18 - 00;22;31;02
Kelly Deutsch
And that's something to me. I'm like, Okay, this is new information that I need to just sit with. So I've learned to say, like, I just need some time, you know? And that's such a great tool for an HSP is like, just give me some it process that and I'll get back to you instead of, you know, in the moment sometimes because we're people pleasers will just kind of nod and be like, Yeah, that sounds great.
00;22;31;02 - 00;22;55;01
Kelly Deutsch
And then sometimes later come back and be like, No, that wasn't great. Like, I know I take that back. So sometimes our processing is slow, but if it's something that we've already processed and internalized, then we can make connections far more quickly than the other 80% of the population because we're able to connect things just intuitively in our, in our bodies and our guts.
00;22;55;26 - 00;23;39;11
Kelly Deutsch
Those are things, those weaker, quieter signals that happen anteriorly that help us to know things. All those data points we talked about. This also means as an HSP, that we need more silence and more solitude and more simplicity just to reach our optimal standpoint. You know, it's often I've talked to many of you where the a magical afternoon is one in which you are hibernating in your room all by yourself, like no disturbances, just you and whatever it is you'd like to do or being walking, being out in nature, hands in the dirt or lying in the grass.
00;23;39;23 - 00;24;04;01
Kelly Deutsch
That's me. Like soaking up the sky I was talking to one person in spiritual direction who said, you know, she went on this retreat at a Benedictine monastery just like Kelly. I walked into this room and there was a bed and a desk and a window like no wall hangings, no nothing. Like it was very sparse. And it was the most wonderful thing in the world.
00;24;04;17 - 00;24;54;08
Kelly Deutsch
I swear. I could just move in and stay forever, you know, or another woman who's working on a remodel in her house, she's like, I just I just need to clear up the clutter. Like, there's just I need space. I need simplicity in my house, in my life. In my thoughts, in work. I just need some space because that's where our nervous system function best and due to all of these things or deeper processing or need for silence and solitude and our option, our optimal standpoint, we also tend to be highly spiritual we feel very enriched by meaningful conversations and things that go much deeper because that's where we naturally hang out in our interiors.
00;24;54;19 - 00;25;37;25
Kelly Deutsch
So having those conversations and connections where we can talk about meaningful things really give us a lot of life. And that's the kind of stimulus that we really enjoy so we seek practices that help us dwell there down in the depths to find the simplicity and the solitude and the silence that helps our nervous systems and just feel grounded So for the last bit here, I'd like to talk about what are some of the strategies that help us thrive with the kind of nervous system that we have how do we find that groundedness?
00;25;37;25 - 00;26;01;14
Kelly Deutsch
How do we reset our nervous system when we're feeling so buzzy with all of that energy and just need to find something that helps us be present? Because it's really hard to just force yourself into feeling safe or grounded or to think yourself. They're like, We can't just keep telling ourselves like, Okay, be grounded, be present, be held.
00;26;01;14 - 00;26;26;24
Kelly Deutsch
Like, you know, it's like we're trying to force ourselves instead of getting our bodies there first before we try to force our minds. They're like, what your body does. Your mind follows So a few things that we're going to talk about around strategies and how to live. This one is getting to know your optimal stim range and how that looks throughout the day.
00;26;27;10 - 00;26;55;07
Kelly Deutsch
You know, I find I have highest energy in the morning and then in the afternoon, so like nine to 12 and two to five. That's my optimal time. I have a really low energy point over the lunch hour and over the dinner hour and knowing that about myself, that's the only time that I offer for client calls because I know I'm not going to be able to show up and be deeply present if I'm not at my best.
00;26;55;20 - 00;27;26;18
Kelly Deutsch
So I know when to when to schedule so that I can offer that space to you because that's, that's the magic sauce, right? Is that deep sense of presence that we offer to each other. So you learn to listen to your body into your needs or do you have high energy. Then maybe the best thing to do is to go for a run or to just dance it off or to call a friend or watch a webinar or like something that you find stimulating.
00;27;27;03 - 00;27;52;21
Kelly Deutsch
And if you're too overwhelmed, like you've just had a ton of people time and there's a lot going on, you have to drive through a bunch of traffic on the freeway that just kind of made you a little crazy and feel overwhelmed. Then you need to come up with I call your reset list, like, what are the things that are going to help your nervous system calm down, get you back into your parasympathetic nervous system.
00;27;52;21 - 00;28;28;01
Kelly Deutsch
That's the one, that's the rest. And Digest tells your whole body like, okay, now is the time to be calm and to just be attentive to some of these other things happening in your body. Feeling grounded It's funny how many of us we felt meaning to ignore our body signals, but your body is a sacrament. Meaning this is one of the physical ways the divine is present to us is through our bodies.
00;28;29;00 - 00;29;06;00
Kelly Deutsch
What else is the incarnation about, if not the Divine, becoming present through our bodies? It's almost as if we want God to come to us in some more grandiose or wholly or enlightened way, rather than through the simple and perhaps scandalous ways of our bodies or nervous systems, our neurotransmitters, our energy, levels, our hormones, like all of that is being is part of being embodied so pay attention to what your body needs and what it's telling you throughout the day.
00;29;06;15 - 00;29;49;18
Kelly Deutsch
If you were to just live intuitively when would you eat and how much would you eat? When would you stop to just take a five minute breather? You know, in the midst of you know, your workday, even if it means escaping to the bathroom and shutting the door, you don't have to go to the bathroom, but you can just shut the door, close your eyes and breathe maybe place a hand over your heart and just one way to think about this is to treat your body like you would treat an infant.
00;29;50;16 - 00;30;20;18
Kelly Deutsch
And this is something that it's an interesting metaphor, but it almost seems more than that. You see, infants can't really separate internal and external stimulation, you know, like something that's going on inside versus outside and what is them and what belongs to the world. They don't really have a sense of self yet the way that we do. So it feels like the stimulus is all around them and they have no way to protect themselves from it.
00;30;20;28 - 00;30;48;07
Kelly Deutsch
And it's an infant, just like our bodies need the right amount of stimulus too much and the baby needs soothing. You know, they start crying and they're just like overwhelmed by all the noise and commotion but too little. And the baby also gets bored and antsy and just agitated. You know, if I could give it a toy or let it hear your voice because when they're not overstimulated or bored or hungry or tired, they're actually pretty content just like us.
00;30;48;11 - 00;31;11;20
Kelly Deutsch
You know, if we have what we need, we tend to be pretty content people. But when we're exhausted and when infants are exhausted, we are quite helpless to help ourselves. It becomes really difficult. We have a hard time using words to verbalize what we need. We just know that we feel overwhelmed. And other people don't always understand why.
00;31;13;12 - 00;31;32;03
Kelly Deutsch
But we just know, like, I just this is too much, you know? And sometimes we feel bad because of that. We have to say no to our friends or can't provide a good excuse to our partner or our loved ones. But we just know that we need to take care of ourselves. And that can be difficult if we don't know what those signals are.
00;31;32;03 - 00;31;51;22
Kelly Deutsch
And we're not used to listening to those signals in our bodies. And that's what happened to me in Rome. I'm convinced that's a big part of what led to my health collapsing, is that I didn't know how to read my body signals well enough. I knew that I felt overwhelmed and my body was giving me strange signals that I never experienced before.
00;31;51;22 - 00;32;18;05
Kelly Deutsch
Like, I never really experienced anxiety. It's like I'd been stressed, but not like that. Just like gripping anxiety that you can't shake off I remember running out of breath, like going up one flight of stairs or in in the religious community, we pray liturgy, the hours are bravery. So you pray the Psalms together and, you know, you recite the various Psalms like, you know, a line is like seven words.
00;32;18;05 - 00;32;42;27
Kelly Deutsch
And I would run out of breath before I could get through those seven words, what is going on? And there was a lot going on there as well as with my physical health which obviously was adding to that internal stimulus of just everything happening. And I remember telling my four meter like, I am dying. I told her in Italian stone more and more, and she's like, Oh, okay, thanks for telling me.
00;32;42;27 - 00;33;10;05
Kelly Deutsch
But like, I didn't have the words for this. I couldn't say like, Excuse me, I have a finely tuned nervous system and it's really making life here difficult because there was constant stimulus. I don't have a bedroom to myself. The superior has a few crazy things going on, so I can't even be by myself in the chapel, you know, like I didn't have that vocabulary, but equipping yourself with this knowledge and vocabulary can help you, I hope, as it helped me make space for my own needs.
00;33;10;05 - 00;33;39;00
Kelly Deutsch
And no, it's not because I necessarily have something wrong with me. It's just the way that I've been built you can avoid a lot of stress and distress for both an infant as well as for your body. If you respond at the earlier cries for help, you know those earlier signals like, okay, I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed here to take a step back figure out what you need.
00;33;39;00 - 00;34;09;13
Kelly Deutsch
Do I need to go home right now? Do I need to just go take a breather outside or in the bathroom? What is it that I need right now? Should I press pause and say, Hey, can we continue this conversation tomorrow? I'm really just waiting, nor when do you need to stretch yourself a little bit. Oftentimes I find for a lot of us just piece, it's that we need to do a lot more with drawing because we also tend to care a lot about the world and so put ourselves out there.
00;34;10;03 - 00;34;15;04
Kelly Deutsch
But it can be either one, you know, do I need to push myself more outward or draw myself more inward?
00;34;18;03 - 00;34;43;06
Kelly Deutsch
I mentioned before coming up with your reset list, like, what is it that helps reset your nervous system? And help soothe it and tell it that it's safe and that you can just be present and come back down to earth after all that crazy, buzzy energy makes you feel off kilter this kind of self-care is a medical necessity, and I don't say that lightly.
00;34;43;08 - 00;34;46;17
Kelly Deutsch
You know, my life fell apart because I didn't know how to do this.
00;34;49;27 - 00;35;34;15
Kelly Deutsch
When we ignore the signals are our nervous system is giving us, we get irritable, burnt, out, resentful collapse. It's it can be really drastic. And I'm sure there are plenty of you who have experience that when when we push ourselves too far. So I'm going to list a handful of some strategies. Some you probably already do. And I'd like you to spend some time for those of you who do identify with being a highly sensitive person and taking things in very deeply and to come up with your own list and even if you don't think you're an HSP or you don't identify with this, I'd also invite you to come up with your reset list because
00;35;34;26 - 00;36;00;06
Kelly Deutsch
like I said, we all have an optimal standpoint and we all have a point of no return where it's like, okay, I just need to find a way to bring myself back down into my parasympathetic nervous system. How do I how do I be present? And sometimes this is precursor to even being present to not only ourselves and to others, but to God.
00;36;02;01 - 00;36;20;03
Kelly Deutsch
So here are a few things. Feel free to come up with your own and then the trick will be actually making time for these and remembering that they are a priority, that these are things that are a medical necessity for you to have balance.
00;36;22;03 - 00;36;58;04
Kelly Deutsch
So some of the possibilities are nature, getting yourself out I literally will go out and hug a tree or lie in the grass or like stick my face in the grass and just breathe in because there is a lot of interesting neuroscience about the impact of nature on our physiology. And there's a book called The Nature Fix, which I highly recommend, talks all about that science behind that the smells, the sights, the different parts of nature that really affect our nervous systems and our whole bodies and how we're able to just be present.
00;36;59;05 - 00;37;21;26
Kelly Deutsch
So get your hands in the dirt, stick your face in the grass. I mean, I honestly will do that sometimes in between sessions when I'm talking with people because I, I so love being deeply present to people, but it can also be very stimulating, you know? So I just need to, I always schedule at least a half hour between my sessions because otherwise I can't, I just get burnt out and I can't be deeply present to you.
00;37;21;26 - 00;37;46;20
Kelly Deutsch
And that's again, that's the part that makes it really powerful and so the other day I went out and put my late in the grass and kind of breathed in deep like all the smells of the fresh green grass. And I came back inside and Brandon was like, you got a piece of grass on your forehead there. You might want to get that off before your next call.
00;37;47;20 - 00;38;36;19
Kelly Deutsch
Thank you. So nature animals are very helpful and oftentimes help reset our own nervous system. Petting your dog, snuggling with your kitty, just letting your their affection bring you back into your body. Being present with another safe human person, somebody who can just be present with you and to breathe with you. Sometimes letting your breath get in sync can be deeply, deeply grounding and physical touch can be very helpful for some of us and for others not.
00;38;36;23 - 00;38;54;11
Kelly Deutsch
Sometimes that's too stimulating. You know, if you sometimes I find like just a hand on my back or a hug can be very like help my whole body and nervous stem just soothe and ground again.
00;38;57;28 - 00;39;21;05
Kelly Deutsch
Closing your eyes is a good way. That's a way that we can turn internally and just block out some of the world 80% of the stimulus coming in through your senses, coming through your eyes. So just closing your eyes. I still basically every day take a nap or a rest. And rarely do I, like, fall asleep, fall asleep.
00;39;21;13 - 00;39;51;10
Kelly Deutsch
But it's really like it's somewhere between meditation, breathing and just closing my eyes. And being able to take a reset in different situations. It's also helpful to have an escape round. So if you're going I do this all the time when I'm getting together with family, I make sure that I have my own car, my own place to stay, you know, so that if I'm getting to Overwhelmed, I can just say like, Hey, guys, I'm just going to go lay down and relax or whatever it is.
00;39;51;29 - 00;40;20;22
Kelly Deutsch
So I have another way out and I don't feel trapped, another strategy or thing that could go on your reset list is adjusting your posture again. Your mind follows your body. So while we're sleeping or even standing, sitting during the day, we tend to curl inwards, you know, our shoulders and our frame because essentially we're trying to protect ourselves and defend ourselves from extra stimulus and things coming in from the outside.
00;40;21;09 - 00;41;02;05
Kelly Deutsch
So by dropping your shoulders, you know, down from your ears, dropping your shoulders, kind of letting your body melt a little bit, relaxing your arms and your legs and your jaw and your shoulders tells your body to tell your mind that I am relaxed, I am safe. So you have to do that multiple times because your body won't get there on its own, which is when I often find, you know, snuggling with my kitty or just getting like a very light, tender hug can help my body like or being out in nature.
00;41;02;05 - 00;41;38;03
Kelly Deutsch
Those things will help Another thing, this is something that I picked up from that book, The Nature Fix Water is one of the top three aspects of nature that soothes our autonomic nervous system, you know, when we're getting all kind of in a tizzy. So listening to the sound of water being near a stream, a lake, I mean, the ocean, if you're lucky, a water feature fountain, even just getting in the bath, those things are bodies, which you know, makes sense, both from an evolutionary standpoint as well.
00;41;38;03 - 00;42;07;26
Kelly Deutsch
I mean, we're made of water. There's there's got to be something to that, you know, about why we find that. So soothing, I suppose civilization always had to be close to water in order to survive. So makes sense that that would be something that we find grounding. Another thing that help soothe our autonomic nervous system is establishing a ritual routines and rhythm help get us back into that rest and digest.
00;42;09;08 - 00;42;46;16
Kelly Deutsch
It's very predictable and feels very soothing to our bodies. So whether it's having a bedtime routine where, you know, I'm going to read for a little while, brush my teeth, wash my face, you know, have my little ritual or in the morning, you know, you probably already do have some level of ritual, you know, whether it's waking up and immediately popping out of bed or maybe you just lie there for 5 minutes or 20 make your coffee pour yourself a cup breathe in deep and sip.
00;42;46;16 - 00;43;18;12
Kelly Deutsch
It's like you stare out the window. Those kinds of routines help us feel calm, be at rest. There's a lot of comfort in those things, even on a very somatic on a bodily level, there are so many others that I would love to share with you. I'll probably what I'll do is I'll put a lot of things in a document and we can talk through them either one on one or any other time.
00;43;19;02 - 00;44;07;27
Kelly Deutsch
I'll put them in a little PDF. There are so many things around having good boundaries, which is something that helps us all maintain our sense of self care, not overscheduling ourselves, you know, giving yourself space to just daydream and ponder and explore a little bit, even if it is only within your mind being gentle with yourself, learning how to tune things out, meeting other people who are equally sensitive and gifted so you don't feel so alone there's a lot of strategies that we can use to take care of ourselves and the bodies that we've been given what's on your reset list?
00;44;13;26 - 00;44;51;05
Kelly Deutsch
I want to close with our reminder that the call for each of us is not to perfection. Even with this, with your reset list and learning all about your body calls, not to perfection, but the wholeness and the most spiritual thing you can do is to humbly dwell in your imperfection versus doing that dance, dance, that perfection dance that we do between pride and despair, because that's really the only two places that we get when we're trying to achieve perfection.
00;44;51;13 - 00;45;13;21
Kelly Deutsch
Either you think that you're doing it right, and then we feel proud, like, look how amazing I am feeling good. Contemplate it, no big deal. Or we feel despair because like, oh my gosh, I can't get myself to do my 20 minute sprints or I can't like, you know, get myself to hold my boundaries or like whatever it is and all humility is, is truth.
00;45;14;22 - 00;45;45;11
Kelly Deutsch
It's being able to see and recognize what is present in my self and in reality part of that is the truth of our own bodies. How am I made my able to accept that and receive that how do I embrace the gift of the body that I've been given where are you looking for God, if not incarnate, in your own life?
00;45;51;14 - 00;45;52;12
Kelly Deutsch
Thank you for joining me.