I Went on a Silent Retreat—and Couldn’t Stop Crying

The surprising spiritual lesson that changed how I listen to my body.

I couldn’t stop crying. 

It…wasn’t ideal.

I was speaking to a spiritual director on a retreat, and I could barely get any words out between my great heaving sobs.

And that’s exactly when I heard the message I most needed to hear, one I have carried with me ever since.

The gentle voice of my spiritual director wrapped around me like a warm blanket, her words touching the tenderest part of my heart. What did she say?

“The body does not lie.”

I’d spent all of my teens and twenties relentlessly seeking, soaking up spirituality like a sponge, trying to tune my inner antenna to the Divine so I wouldn’t miss even one precious transmission.

I’d forgotten I had a body. I’d never even considered inviting it into my spiritual life.

But what my spiritual director said both shook me and shook something loose within me. What she was telling me was that my body was the first witness, the first light on my journey into communion with God. And it was right here all along.

She told me that day, decades ago now, that my tears were nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to dismiss either. They were evidence of God’s stirring within me.

In the years since, I’ve tried to pay closer attention to my body and to listen to what it might be speaking to me–often wisdom somewhere far beyond the reach of language. The body speaks with tears, with laughter, and with deep, abiding systems that sustain us.

In challenging times like the ones we’re living through, in times when we cannot see the path ahead of us, we need not fear that we are alone. We bear the breath of God within us. And it’s our bodies that can remind us of that deeply consoling truth.

I’m wildly grateful that we live in an age of understanding about the wisdom of our bodies and the gifts that they offer us in our spiritual journeys. By attending to our sensations, patterns, and how evolution has primed us for safety—we can grasp so much more of what our bodies are trying to tell us. We can begin to speak the language of the body, to hear its warm, tender messages to us.

When I imagine stretching toward an embodied faith, one that incorporates the body as well as the mind and spirit, I almost want to start that wild weeping again—this time in gratitude. 

What is an embodied spirituality?

It’s a spirituality that doesn’t stop where the body begins. It’s a spirituality that leans in to hear the whisperings of our nervous system, our seven senses (did you know we had seven??), our breathing and our sensations. It’s a spirituality that’s deeply rooted in awareness of our somatic experience.

It’s a spirituality that we can’t do without.

If you’ve ever sensed that your body might be carrying wisdom your mind cannot quite reach… you’re not imagining it.

The spiritual tradition is slowly rediscovering something ancient: the body is not an obstacle to the spiritual life. It is one of its most faithful guides.

But most of us were never taught how to listen.

And that’s exactly what we’re exploring in this month’s Night School workshop.

We’ll be joined by Edwina Yeow, a somatic psycho-spirituality expert and spiritual director who gently helps people rediscover the body as a wise companion on the spiritual journey.

Together we’ll explore the subtle language of our sensations, nervous systems, and seven senses—and how the body itself can become a lantern illuminating our path through the darkness.

Join us Saturday, March 7 for a one-time-only session you won’t want to miss.

Bring your tears, your laughter, the grief and the joy—all that your body carries as you make your way through the Night. Here is a safe place to listen, to learn, and to honor the lantern that illuminates our lives. The body does not lie. Lean in close to hear its truth.

REGISTER NOW

PS. Can’t make it to the live session? Don’t worry! Registration includes a recording of the workshop you can watch anytime.

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Cameron Bellm is a Seattle-based spiritual writer, speaker, and retreat guide. After completing her PhD in Russian literature, she traded the academic life for the contemplative life, combining her love for language with a deeply-rooted spirituality. Her work can be found at the intersection of mysticism and activism, linking ancient spiritual practice with modern social engagement. Cameron's work has been featured in America Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Jesuit Media Lab, and more. Her first book, The Sacrament of Paying Attention: How Writers, Artists, and Mystics can Lead Us into Sacred Human Communion, will be published in 2026. When her nose isn't in a book and her feet aren't softly padding through a library, you can find her marveling at the ferns, salmonberries, and spruce trees along a Seattle trail.